Mommy Identity – Being a Pseudo stay at home mom

If you had asked me ten years ago whether or not I wanted to stay at home to raise my children, I would have emphatically said no. I didn’t think I could bare being home every single day. I loved working and being active way to much for that. It’s funny how quickly your ideals change. I had no clue what being a parent was like.

If you have been following along or you have read into my background, you’d know that I spent several years completing my Undergraduate and Graduate degrees. I finished back in 2009 with the hopes of finding some fabulous criminal investigator position working for the government somewhere here in southern California. Unfortunately the current circumstances with our job market dictated otherwise. In the interim, I have continued working at the restaurant job I had while I was in school. And last year, my husband and I had our daughter.

As an ignorant young twenty-something, I didn’t foresee becoming attached to my unborn daughter. But I have. I am completely in love with my Baby Girl. And lucky for me, I currently have a job that allows me to be home with her almost all the time. I work night shifts at the restaurant so that I can be home during the daytime. Which I absolutely love since those are her greatest hours. It also keeps us from having to take her to daycare. A major plus, because I don’t really want someone else getting to have that time with her. Especially a stranger.

There are so many benefits to my situation as a Pseudo Stay at Home Mom. No matter what, I have to work. There is no way around that. Many of us are faced with that dilemma. Serving at a restaurant allows me to work a fraction of the time that most people do, while still making the same amount of money. I am able to squeeze 24 hours into three nights of work that is the equivalent of 40 hours in five days for most people. As a result, I only miss about twelve hours of awake time each week. Not bad, right? It’s a number that I am actually okay with. It’s minimal.

Another positive aspect about my Pseudo status is that it gives George an opportunity to develop his own relationship with Aaliyah. He is in charge of entertaining and feeding her. He has developed his own routine and method of soothing her. It’s really cute. I love that he can feel comfortable with his role and take charge. It’s great to see. But I am still her primary source. I’m still with her 90 percent of the time.

My status as a Pseudo Stay at Home Mom is a huge part of my Mommy Identity. I love my role in Aaliyah’s life and I would not change that for anything. She is my world and that is that. Keeping her happy and healthy is my main purpose. Believe it or not, that is enough for me. She is my contribution to this world. Small but very worthy.


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